A Child’s View: Remembering...

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BY: Mary Murphy, M.Ed., LPC

CATEGORY: Grief and Loss
PUBLICATION: About Grief

​Sometimes, when we miss a loved one who has died, we think that remembering will make us feel worse.  But, it depends on which memories you choose.  In the beginning, we do think of Dad’s slow decline, Abuela’s illness, sister’s funeral or a pet’s last day. The sad times are fresh in our minds because those are the last memories we have.

But, bit by bit, we can allow happier memories into our hearts and minds.  How can this happen?  Is it wrong to smile or be happy when they have died? 

People who love us wants us to be happy.  They want us to have memories of the lessons they taught us, the love they gave us and the joy they brought to our lives.   

To help remember, I like the idea of a memory box.  Here’s how you can start

1. Get an old shoe box, or any box you like.  You can paint it or decorate it with words, pictures and trinkets that make you think of your loved one. 
2. Gather pictures (or make pictures if you don’t have any) that remind you of special times spent with your loved one.  Maybe you loved the big hugs your gramma gave and have a picture of you two embracing.  Perhaps your grandfather prepared you for bar mitzvah.  Your sister taught you to knit.  Your dad or mom loved to take you camping. Your uncle coached your basketball team.  Your aunt directed your church choir.  Place pictures or keepsakes from those events in your memory box. 
3. Collect items that remind you of the person you miss, like jewelry, ticket stubs, rocks or any other memento.  If your loved one made a special holiday feast, write out one of the recipes for your box. Find a CD or record with their favorite songs.   Some people remember certain smells, like perfume or aftershave. You can put a bit on a handkerchief and seal it in a plastic bag. 
4. Remember their favorites. Prepare a list of your loved one’s favorite color, song, activity, place, book or dessert.
5. Include a blank book to write stories, lessons taught or key words that go along with the items in your box. This will help protect your memories over time.
6. Add memories at any time.  


Most importantly, share your memories with family and friends. The more you talk about memories, the more you will remember—and your family might be able to add recollections of their own. Your loved one will be remembered with smiles, tears and love.  

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