​Thanksgiving and the Gifts of Grief

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BY: Diane Snyder Cowan

CATEGORY: Grief and Loss
Thanksgiving used to be my favorite holiday but that has changed over the past few years. My children have migrated to opposite coasts and their absence in the house is palpable.

This year, the first thing that comes to mind is …..Thanksgiving is here, that means it’s been a year since my dad died. So now, my kids and the grandkids will be absent and so will my father. UGH!  I would really just like to sleep through the whole weekend.

I take time to pause and reflect. Did I change this past year? Did I move through the tasks of grief okay? Was I transformed?  Did I do the grief thing correctly?!  After all, I am the director of a large bereavement center.

It’s a good thing that there is no right or wrong way to grieve. I’m pretty sure I might have failed if there was a test. I have definitely changed. I am now a member of a club that I didn’t want to join. I approach the world differently. My sensitivity to others who have experienced the death of a loved one, especially a parent, has been heightened.  I relate differently to people. My spirituality has taken another dimension and I have found parts of my faith rituals to be comforting and validating.  I have taken the love from my relationship with my dad from a physical one to one that I hold in my heart.  These have been the gifts of my grief.

My dad also gave me several gifts. In addition to concrete things like piano lessons and college tuition, he passed on the values of family, generosity, education, and service to others. Despite our often tumultuous relationship, we were very much alike and loved each other deeply. There really is plenty to be grateful for this Thanksgiving.

Consider the growth and changes that come with your grief as gifts. Think about the gifts from your deceased love one….the hugs, the love, the long walks and talks, and the lessons learned. And if you are not at this point in your grief, remember there is no test, no right or wrong way to grieve. You might just want to crawl under the blanket and mindlessly watch the parade. You can pick any day to be your day of giving thanks.

Remember you do not have to grieve alone. Look for comfort and support with family, friends, or a professional provider.

Please visit our on-line grief discussion groups.
 

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